Why it's Unreasonable to Say "No" to a Reasonable Query

Let's face it, "No" works about as long as your child allows it. Then come the "reasoning" years, (though, depending on the mood of the child the "reasoning" may be argumentative, talking back, etc). The reasoning years don't take "No" as an acceptable answer to a reasonable query. So what is an unreasonable query?

Lately my stepson has been studying vehicles as we pass and wondering which one might be his in three years. Three years. Anyway, when we pass by a corvette, "Can you get me that fast car?" "No," is an appropriate response, and not one they intend to argue with. "Can I get a motorcycle?" requires a little more than a "No," something to the effect of: "Not while you're on my insurance policy," usually gets the message across. Unreasonable queries can actually handle a humorous, sarcastic response, depending on the sensitivity level of the child.

So what about reasonable queries? Why is "No" not an appropriate response? Reasonable queries are often something the child has received before, a privilege you might say. If you say "No" it's guaranteed that the child will believe this is up for debate. The answer can never be just "No."

An example of a reasonable query came from my stepson a few days ago, "Can I play some video games?" It was in the morning, and there were expectations (see previous post) of him that still needed to be accomplished that morning as they do every morning. So instead of "No" the response to his reasonable query was, "First you need to make your bed, pick up your clothes off the floor and place them in the hamper, wash the breakfast dishes, and practice your bass."

He smiled, took care of the listed items, (teenagers work best with lists, otherwise they forget what they're supposed to do and get in trouble) and in a little over an hour, he was playing video games.