Step Kids Need to Know they Belong

When our son arrived at our house after spending some time at his mother's, it seemed as though he felt he needed to carve out his own niche. His carving out his own niche not only included negotiating for everything that concerned him-but also necessitated a strong need in him to reorganize our entire house.

Maybe his mother's house is organized a different way, but it seemed to be a little deeper with our son than that. He even wanted to rearrange the flour and sugar canisters and where the bread was stored. It seemed as though rather than relearning our system (which has been around in this specific house for nine years of which he's been a part of) he wanted to create something new that started with him.

Since there was no real reason for our house to be organized according to what the little man thought would work, (regardless of canister size, we put the big one first because it is used most often) or where the bread should be stored (it would be hotter on top of the fridge and therefore get moldy faster) we simply reminded him of where everything went and gave him the option of reorganizing his bedroom.

The reorganization of his bedroom has been key in his maintenance of it. Before it was congested with toys (the last major cleaning being three years ago when he was 10) and now only a few remain. (A lot changes with a 13 year old-hence the start of a blog.) Now that the "too colorful maps and poster of flags of the world" are down and the furniture has been rearranged, there certainly is less clutter. And now the young man who often flings whatever comes into his grasp wherever he's done with it, actually has started to put some of his stuff back without being prompted. Now if I could only get him to do that with the rest of the house or with his dirty clothes, he wouldn't have to face grumpy stepmom.

It's the Little Things that Count

I am the laundress of our household. I have secured my position by being the finicky one about which of my things gets dried or hung to dry, and the only one around here who seems to care about shirts being folded the proper way, (without the crease down the middle). I do feel that the chores are split up equally, so it doesn't bother me being the laundress-I rather prefer it actually.

While I'm folding our laundry each of us gets our own individual stack of clothes to put away. For my stepson, I separate his stack even further: swim trunks, sports shorts, regular shorts, jeans, t-shirts, long sleeve, tank tops, boxers, and socks into smaller individualized stacks on his bed. In my mind it insures that they will be put away in appropriate drawers and discourages the action of attempting to fit one stack of laundry into one drawer. (We do have experience in this area.)

The other night I overheard my husband talking to his son, he said something to the effect of, "You're lucky, you get your clothes separated for you, I just get a large stack."

I haven't ever thought of doing it for my husband, simply because he can put his clothes away without the additional assistance. Yet since I have overheard this conversation between the two of them, I now separate his clothes into individual stacks on our bed too. It doesn't take that much longer for me to do--and the husband feels both appreciative and appreciated.

It really is the small things in a marriage that can make a difference.